Life is not a pie, I have often told my kids. What this means is that there really is not a fixed amount of money, or jobs, or resources in the world. Of course, some people have more resources than others, some have more obvious talents and abilities. But there are universes of of possibilities in every choice we make.

So when I hear people talk about abortion as if it is the only option, it make me sick. Because like that mythical pie, unplanned pregnancy is not a pie versus no pie choice. There are endless choices, and having a child changes everything in the future, just as not having the child does.

Certainly there are difficult circumstances in which women find themselves pregnant. I am intimately familiar with these kinds of circumstances and decisions.

My husband just turned 59. I often comment online that if we were just a few years younger, he may never have been born.

My husband’s biological parents were teenagers, not yet ready to take care of a child. So their families did what families have always done: they pursued the very best option they could find for unborn Barney, which was adoption by a childless couple, longing to have a baby of their own.

But what if, like Michelle Williams, a baby stood in the way of some of Barney’s mother’s or father’s temporal dreams? What if Barney was never born?

If Barney wasn’t born, his biological parents would have likely tried to continue their relationship. But as usually happens, the decision to end the life of their child would have ultimately also torn their relationship apart. Like it often does, the abortion would have cast a shadow over their future relationships to the point where one or both of his parents ultimately may have chosen not to have other children.

Barney’s adoptive parents would have continued to search for a child to adopt. Within a year or so after Barney wasn’t born, his parents would adopt a different child. But this decision meant that they would never conceive Barney’s sister, their biological child. When Barney’s adoptive mother was diagnosed with cancer several years later, she and her husband would have decided that one child, the other adopted child, was enough.

Mark met Barney in kindergarten, but when Barney wasn’t born, Mark didn’t make a close friend until middle school. He never gained the confidence that came from endless hours spent fishing, building, creating and boating with Barney. Mark’s best friends in middle school dabbled in drugs and so did he; his involvement precluded him from getting into the college he wanted. His career as a pilot didn’t happen. Instead, he provided commercial weather forecasting services for agricultural companies in central Florida. Needless to say, Mark never met his wife Donna – she was also an airline employee – and their two kids weren’t born.

Barney and I met when I was 29, and I was completely over dating without the hope of a permanent relationship. So when Barney wasn’t born, I never got married. I continued advancing in my banking career, but never had the time outside of work to do ministry, other than serving on a couple of committees at my church. I wrote a blog that gained a modest following, but retired at age 60 with a sense of unfulfilled longing, like I had missed something important.

Since Barney wasn’t born and we never got married, we didn’t get involved in ministry at our church. Sean, the troubled young man Barney helped lead to Christ, continued drinking and drugging. He never met Karen, his wife, and certainly never went to seminary or pastored a church in New Mexico.

The women who dug deeply into scripture because of my honesty over personal sin and my work in ministry weren’t inspired to be honest about their own sins, and to root deeply in their relationships with Christ. The men’s groups Barney led didn’t hold together for very long, because no one had the same commitment that Barney did to meeting the needs of the men in the groups. The prayers, the unbelievable prayers that have been prayed and answered in ways that only God could do – not a single word would have been uttered, not a single movement from the fingertips of God, to His eternal sadness.

The churches, Christian camps, and flood-damaged homes that Barney repaired – weren’t. The neighbors Barney helped—solving problems and repairing all manner of broken things—had to pay professionals. The encouragement that Barney gave those he helped, to try new things, didn’t come from anyone else, so once again the auto and home repair pros made more money from our neighborhood. The money, time and tangible things we’ve given to individuals, churches, ministries and families wasn’t there to give. More importantly, whatever poor reflection we have been of the love of Christ – never was. The universe where we live and work and have our being, where so many do not know Christ, remained needlessly dark.

80% scale model of the cross of Christ, made by Barney for our church.

Barney and Luke, celebrating Barney’s 50th birthday in Guatemala. Barney and other team members helped build a hospital on a mission campus.

The fine furniture, the creations and gifts from his divinely gifted hands—disappear like mist. Intangible, untouchable, a figment. And I haven’t even started talking about our children.

Our “Resolute Desk,” made by Barney in 2015.

And this was all simply because Barney wasn’t born.

So the next time you hear the argument that abortion is the woman’s right to choose – remember this story. It’s a fictional story, but there are many elements of truth woven through the fiction. Every abortion ends not only one life, but alters a universe of lives, of blessings, of futures. I hope one day Michelle Williams and those like her will see that they have thrown away far more than they ever gained. And I hope they find the courage to repent, while there is still time to be honest with God.