The Disconnect Between Body Language, Anxiety and Autism

As a person with a long history of anxiety, I am more than willing to tell you some of the experiences from my inner life. I can also share some observations as a mom of a child with high functioning autism, and as a family member of others I believe may be on the spectrum.

I recently learned about a theory about how people on the spectrum process social cues differently from neurotypical people. Social vision is the subset of psychology that looks at the cues people take in from their environment, using vision alone. Research shows that people are usually very accurate with inferences about a stranger, just using their sight. A significant component of functional social vision is the ability to correctly understand another person’s body motion.

In addition to difficulties with spoken communication and social interactions, people with autism spectrum disorder were found to have challenges with perceiving body motion. From my observations, the problem is really two-fold: the perception itself, and the ability to provide a socially ‘normal’ response. For someone is on the high end of the spectrum, there may be a nano-second interpretation of information coupled with a communication issue that hinders an appropriate response to the visual cues.

An example may help explain. When I was a child and young teen, I felt the innate sense of not belonging and shame that is common in people with mental health conditions or high functioning autism. I knew I was smart and perceptive, but those things didn’t matter when it came to popularity among my peers. I felt anxious when I wanted to become friends with a new person, and then my anxiety interfered with me talking easily with the person. I didn’t understand it at the time, but my anxiety hindered my desired friendships.

I consistently remember my lips and tongue acting somewhat disconnected from what my brain was saying. Both anxiety and fear are common emotional elements often intertwined in people with high functioning autism. Anxiety makes every aspect of communication substantially worse. At times, a wall of near-panic and fear interfered with my ability to accurately communicate what I was trying to say or do.

Generally speaking, people do not interpret anxiety correctly. In thin-slice judgments, anxiety may be interpreted as hiding, which is correct, because people with anxiety are trying to hide the fact that they are anxious! But people associate hiding with guilt or wrong-doing. As a result, people with anxiety are avoided. If there’s odd behavior from autism thrown into the mix, the autism traits contribute to rejection.

Over time, I became more fearful when I wanted to befriend a person I perceived as being more socially skilled or popular than I was. A new pattern began to form: I made my own thin slice judgments about new people, whether prospective friends or romantic interests. I began to sense very quickly and accurately if a person was inclined to like or dislike me. Unfortunately, this awareness and fear became something of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What’s the takeaway? Behavior is communication, and communication is a desire for connection. If you have a child with high functioning autism, I encourage you to assume that his or her faulty social behavior is a result of a malfunctioning internal communication mechanism rather than willful misbehavior. He or she may not correctly interpret another person’s body language, and therefore may respond inappropriately to the situation. On the other hand, he or she may completely understand the situation, but be significantly impeded by their own brain and body from communicating in the ‘normal’ way.

When it comes to autism and anxiety, truth and grace go a long way towards strengthening relationships and communication. What insights would you like to share about autism and communication?